graycardinal: Shadow on asphalt (Default)
[personal profile] graycardinal
Moving forward to Crossovering, here's the story written for me -- a thoughtful and thought-provoking window into early-stage Stargate SG-1 by way of almost-current Doctor Who. As I told its author, this is a piece that I didn't see coming at all, and yet it embodies much of what I dearly love about the whole Crossovering exchange concept.

The Grasp of Mortality by failsafe
Fandom: Stargate SG-1, Doctor Who
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Words: ~6600
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Sha're
Characters: Daniel Jackson, Jack O'Neill, Clara Oswin Oswald, Ashildr | Lady Me, SG-1 Team, Various Stargate SG-1 Characters, Sha're | Amaunet
Additional Tags: Ambiguous Relationships, Multiple Relationships, Crossover

Alive forever. Dead indefinitely. Or somewhere in-between.

graycardinal: Shadow on asphalt (Default)
[personal profile] graycardinal
Catching up on recent projects: here's what I wrote for Fic Corner this year.  Much rereading of canon involved, luckily easily obtainable via ebook.

Three Inventions Danny Dunn Doesn't Talk About
Fandom: Danny Dunn Series - Jay Williams & Raymond Abrashkin
Rating: General Audiences
Words:  ~1500
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Danny Dunn, Joe Pearson, Irene Miller (Danny Dunn), Professor Bullfinch, Dr. Grimes (Danny Dunn)
Additional Tags: For Science!, Peanut Butter, Cats, Superheroes, Poetry

There was never any doubt that Joe would end up writing books about the adventures he, Danny, and Irene shared while growing up in Midston. But there were still certain stories that the Midston trio chose not to share with Jay Williams, concerning various inventions that had been less than successful….


Lipstick Red

Oct. 21st, 2017 04:15 am
espresso_addict: Winged dragon in slate blue & red brown hues (dragon)
[personal profile] espresso_addict
I reread The Silver Chair last night, for the first time since I was a child (I'd love to know where my copy got to), and my inchoate anger at Lewis seems to have coalesced into this triple drabble on the problem of Susan...

Lipstick Red )

(no subject)

Oct. 20th, 2017 01:54 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
Cordelia got home about 1 a.m. I think she enjoyed the concert (Imagine Dragons) in spite of several anxiety spikes. It means that she and I each only got about three and a half hours of sleep. I let her go to bed without even brushing her teeth. My impression is that they'd have been back here a good bit earlier, but they got stuck in the parking structure for more than half an hour after the concert.

I went back to bed after Cordelia left for school. I slept another three or four hours (not sure when I actually fell asleep). I still want more sleep, but Cordelia will be home in an hour.

Rumors where Scott works are that there may be an opening for a supervisor on third shift. If there is, he wants to apply and thinks he has a good chance of getting it. Both of us have mixed feelings about it, but getting a supervisory slot on either second or third shift is the only path to advancement from where he is. The times he's applied for jobs off the factory floor, the decision has always come down to him and one other person who has supervisory experience. Even when supervisory experience isn't relevant for the position, it matters. The fact that supervisors make more money matters, too, but they get more mandatory overtime to go with it because there has to be a supervisor there if anybody's working.

It would mean that he and I would never sleep at the same time and that he'd no longer see Cordelia for that little bit of time before school (he never used to when she was getting up for a later start time). Another downside is that he and I wouldn't intersect for meals very often-- I'd eat breakfast before he got home and both lunch and dinner while he was asleep. I'd need to alter my daytime activities a lot so as not to wake him when playing music or watching DVDs. He thinks that I can do more than I did while he was on that shift temporarily, but we'd have to experiment a bit to find the parameters.

He did tend to get more sleep when he was (temporarily) on third shift and so would be more awake/energetic in the evenings, and it meant being able to deal with his medical appointments without taking time off.

Friday Five

Oct. 20th, 2017 05:49 pm
lost_spook: (Dracula)
[personal profile] lost_spook
From [community profile] thefridayfive:

1. What book frightened you as a young person?
I don't know. I can think of TV things that did, and books I didn't like, or that left an unpleasant taste behind, one way or another, but I don't remember being terrified of anything in a book. I was always on the wimpish side in my reading, just in case something would scare me.

ETA: If it counts, when I was 11, our class tutor read us a Sweeney Todd story, and that definitely scared me!


2. If you had to become a ‘living book (i.e. able to recite the contents of a book cover to cover upon request – reference Fahrenheit 451), what book would it be?
I would prefer not to become a living book, as that sounds very uncomfortable for me and everyone else around me, so I'll go for Love That Dog because it's about the shortest book I know. (It's also good, though, and contains bonus poetry.)


3. What movie or TV show scared you as a kid?
The BBC Miss Marple (Nemesis in particular), and I do mean Joan Hickson. She sprayed somebody in the face with insecticide. Also some random thing where a cake was poisoned that I saw when I was four, that I think was some old b&w film comedy and was the worst/scariest thing ever. Also when I was about four, I was scared of the theme music to Doctor Who and when it came on would stick my head under a cushion and yell for someone to turn it off. So, ironically, I put an end to DW-watching in my house for about six or seven years, until I got into it myself. (It only ever scared me in the good way after that.) Also probably, as it turns out, Assignment Six of S&S, and that episode of Bergerac where Alfred Burke was so good he had to murder people. And Fraggles! Fraggle Rock was pure nightmare fuel. I still shudder if I see or hear of a Fraggle. The weasels in the (stop-motion) Wind in the Willows! TV was full of terrifying things when I was small.


4. What movie (scary or otherwise) will you never ever watch?
I am very wimpish about horror! It would be quicker to give a list of things I would watch, although that would still be far too long for a meme. But nothing that's primarily a gore-fest, anyway, unless I had to for some reason. I've been learning lately to be a little less wimpish in my watching, although only a little so far, and it's paid off.


5. Do you have any phobias?
Nothing at the level of a phobia, but I am scared of the future, fish, and over-eating (and poisoned cake, see above). And shop-window dummies.
lannamichaels: Astronaut Dale Gardner holds up For Sale sign after EVA. (Default)
[personal profile] lannamichaels
1) make the days REALLY REALLY BIG because of course I need to know the calendar day. But not month...

1a) remove the month from the day heading, because of course I don't need to know what month a day is in (it does this even on the "month changes during the week" weeks, going from 31 (for October) to 1 (for November), whyyyyy)

2) make the time of day REALLY REALLY SMALL because of course I don't need to know what times things are

3) decide to get REALLY REALLY CONFUSED about how to handle dual calendar systems, even though it had no issue with that before



note: the "all day events" section is tall and mostly empty in the Old Google Calendar one because further on in the week, I have a lot of stacked all day things; that's my RL calendar. The new version is the fandom calendar, which has much fewer things cluttering it up


Old google calendar:
google calendar old version


New google calendar:
google calendar new version

Biking

Oct. 20th, 2017 10:11 am
seekingferret: Word balloon says "So I said to the guy: you never read the book yet you go online and talk about it as if--" (Default)
[personal profile] seekingferret
The 25 mile ride I did in Helsinki at Worldcon left me wanting to do more longer rides on my bike. I somehow rode ~25 miles in Helsinki in spite of the fact that I don't think I've ever ridden more than 10 miles in a trip here in the US- in retrospect the bravado of saying "Sure, I can do this, let me sign up" amazes me. Helsinki is flatter than Highland Park, though, especially along the coastline, and the bike I rented there had road tires that I think probably also helped reduce rolling resistance compared to the more treaded tires on the crummy mountain bike I've been riding since I was a teenager. 25 miles still feels out of reach at home, but I want to work toward it not feeling so crazy, since I know that in some parallel European universe it's possible.

About a month ago, I set off on a 14 mile ride. They converted an old industrial railroad track into a biking path in Metuchen. It's about 4 miles to the trail, the trail is 3 miles long, and so all told the round trip is 14 miles. I rode 3.5 miles and then wiped out catastrophically on a curb cut, damaging my bike and bruising my arm pretty badly. There's this tricky part of the trip out where there's no choice but to ride alongside Rt. 27 and there's no sidewalk, and I was overly anxious having cleared that passage to get back on the sidewalk as soon as it was there, and there was also a puddle to avoid, and the result was I hit the curb slightly wrong and went flying. So that was a bust.

But I got right back on the horse. Er, bicycle. As soon as my bike was fixed up, I went out on the same route. We had beautiful weather and I made it through the tricky part without trouble (beyond a racing heartbeat) and the actual bike trail was lovely, with an overgrown tree canopy isolating it from the rest of town. I had to cut the ride short because I was going to dinner in my sister's Sukkah that night, so I only did 10 miles total. But I easily could have done the 14, I had it in me. I'm waiting for the next free Sunday to do the whole trip.

I've also been pushing the limits on my shorter after-work rides, lately, though it's getting dark earlier and earlier, making it harder for me to get in those rides before the point in the sunset where I'm too nervous of getting hit by a car to ride.

My next goal is to do a ride on the D&R Canal trail... I've done, a few times, the ride to the entrance to the trail- it's roundtrip 8 miles from home. And then the actual trail segment is 29 miles, so I can sort of pace myself and work my way up to the whole trail. Of course, now it's late October, I'm going to be running out of good weather weekends soon. I keep saying I'm going to get a gym membership to try to do indoor stationary biking in the winter, but then I remember that I find stationary biking stultifying. So we'll see.

(no subject)

Oct. 19th, 2017 09:48 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
I went downtown yesterday early enough to have time to return things to the library and to pick up my holds. I had a little more than forty minutes before the bus I needed to take to get to Skyline. I got out to the school about fifteen minutes before the final bell. Cordelia was a little worried about where to meet because I wanted to give her geometry teacher some Puffs as a donation (the district no longer provides tissues for teachers to put out for the kids who have colds/allergies).

The fundraiser stuff was in two smallish boxes, one of which only contained a beef sausage thingy and so didn't weigh very much. I told the cab dispatcher where we'd be waiting, but he neglected to tell the cabbie. Fortunately, he guessed the front entrance, and we'd positioned ourselves where we could see cars on both loops approaching that (there's one for buses and one for parents dropping off/picking up, but when there aren't buses there, cars can use either).

We had friends over to play games last night. We played a cooperative game called Star Trek Five Year Mission that Scott's planning to run at UCon. We missed a lot of details the first time through. I didn't play the second game because they wanted to do the timed version. I didn't want to deal with that. Instead, I took a short walk and recaptured the Ingress portal down the street. I managed to get a silver (second level out of five) badge for making fields.

I had intended to go out this morning, but Scott's sister texted me with an invitation for Cordelia to go out to a concert this evening, and I spent quite a long time trying to coordinate that (including reaching Cordelia to make sure she even wanted to go). I can only assume that my niece intended to take a friend and had that friend cancel at the last minute. I didn't ask.

I've written 1200 words today, just not on any of my established WIP. Because I needed a new, half completed story. Really, I did.

b&w updates

Oct. 19th, 2017 09:14 pm
lost_spook: (james maxwell)
[personal profile] lost_spook
Since I was complaining a few posts ago about the lack of James Maxwell in Subway in the Sky, I should say:

a) That paid off - [personal profile] swordznsorcery pointed me to this Design for Loving campaign sheet from eBay, which has a large pic of Mr Maxwell, plus a synopsis and cast list, and then [personal profile] liadtbunny pointed out that it is up on the BFIplayer here (although only for rental, and I'd have to watch it online and not keep it and rip it and cap it, but still; if lack of JM overcomes me anytime, I could do that). Plus, bonus pic!* (It was 1962, though. I can't remember why I had 1958 in my head. I should know by now there is no 1950s JM, however much I want to make that not be true.)

And b) my other film, The Third Secret, which I will have to talk about properly sometime (it was very pretty and complicated) coughed up a satisfactory cameo. Cut for pictorial proof )


* I don't know why James Maxwell looks like he's in a threesome there, though. Don't these people know that he only ever makes worshipful love to people's hands and would be tragically in the way?

Wednesday Winged Hours (On Thursday)

Oct. 19th, 2017 10:38 am
evelyn_b: (Default)
[personal profile] evelyn_b
What I've Finished Reading

I didn't have any trouble finishing Decider by Dick Francis, but it left kind of a weird taste in my mouth. The narrator, a regular guy obsessed with restoring ruined houses, happens to inherit some shares in a racecourse owned by his extremely dysfunctional not-really-family (the family of the guy his mother divorced before he was born). The racecourse managers come to him for help in dealing with the family, and he gets entangled in a lot of skulduggery, including having part of the stands blown up on top of him. It's entertaining? Francis is very readable. I didn't love the grim gleefulness with which the family's most loathsome member is disposed of, or the last-minute revelations that actually he was even worse than you thought! I wasn't thrilled with our up-close-and-grody tour of the narrator's personal life, either. I guess it hit a level of "complicated and unsympathetic" that I'm willing to ride with in a "literary" book but don't like or want in a pulpy thriller about vicious racecourse owners trying to out-sabotage each other. So the jury's still out on Dick Francis; I'll probably give him another try the next time he shows up in a free-books context, or on the cheap shelf at one of my regional bookstores.

What I'm Reading Now

Still The Guns of Avalon, weirdly enough - it's such a short book! but I'm finding it slow going even though I don't dislike it particularly. Probably I've just been distracted; it's been a busy week made busier by anxiety and technological glitches.

Also began Making Money by Terry Pratchett, a gift from a friend! This was a slower start than other Pratchett books, and feels sometimes, especially in the beginning, a little more contrived - but maybe that's just Moist von Lipwig's particular curse. Moist is a man in a Dostoevskian pickle: rescued from the gallows at the last minute by Machiavellian city boss Lord Vetinari, he's now obligated to use his new respectable persona to Vetinari's advantage or go right back to being hanged. First he reformed the post office (presumably in a previous book); now he's tasked with beefing up the banking system so Vetinari can do a bunch of expensive infrastructure work. The book picks up a lot once he inherits a small dog (Mr Fusspot) who has inherited the position of bank chairman. I like it when animals have positions of power they don't actually care about. It picks up a little more after he invents paper money, and that's about where I am.

What I Plan to Read Next

Maybe next week I'll catch up for real! Maybe. Also possibly The Three Musketeers.

(no subject)

Oct. 18th, 2017 08:02 am
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
Today is going to be kind of stressful. I have to meet Cordelia at school when the school day ends because the choir fundraiser stuff is coming in. I didn't see any way for her to be able to carry it home on the bus, so the best option seems to be me going there and then us getting a cab back.

Some of her teachers have requested Kleenex donations, so I can take those at the same time.

Cordelia has an appointment at 5:45, so we won't have time to waste on the way home. I wish the bus website was actually reliable about the bus that goes between Skyline and downtown. There are two or three different route variants (I've seen the A and C. I'm assuming there must be a B).

We'll get home from the appointment just in time to have friends over at 7:00.

I need to figure out a way to get myself to bed earlier in the evening. Scott and Cordelia really, really want me to watch TV with them which pushes getting ready for bed to 9:00 at which point, Cordelia generally wants to shower. I think that what I need to do is to get a second tube of toothpaste and to keep that and my toothbrush and bite splint in the kitchen so that I don't have to wait for her to get to done to be able to deal with that bit of my routine.

I still have the problem that 8:00 or 9:00 is the point when my writing brain suddenly turns itself on with great enthusiasm. Given that I can't get my body to nap, I have a choice between sleep and writing that's pretty frustrating.

What I've Been Reading Wednesday

Oct. 18th, 2017 09:52 am
lost_spook: (reading)
[personal profile] lost_spook
What I've Finished Reading

I finished up The Castle of Otranto and it continued to be delightfully OTT and ridiculous right to the very last line. I laughed a lot. Especially at the last line. The charm of it is, I think (other than gloomy castles and giant suits of armour and what have you), that it's very hard to tell if the whole thing is some kind of joke, or just bits of it. This seems to have been the question for 250 years, and, indeed, the next book I read, The Old English Baron by Clara Reeve is quite openly The Castle of Otranto, the more rational (and therefore possibly not-truly-Gothic) remix.

As Clara Reeve says in the introduction, certain elements of Otranto, "destroy the work of imagination, and, instead of attention, excite laughter." (Walpole apparently responded that hers was, "So probable, that any trial for murder at the Old Bailey would make a more interesting story." Hmm, wait, a novel featuring a real life murder...? Shame he didn't try it, heh.)

It does indeed tail off into a long, plodding fixit of everything, though. It's rather like a tumblr-recommended fixit version of Otranto where everything is relentlessly put right and all the bad people are punished or grovel and apologise to the good people. I liked the beginning with the locked up haunted wing with the murdered body in it very much, though, mixed with a more recognisable setting. Also its hero Edmund has an amusing tendency to weep over people. (The best bit was at the end where he flung his arms round both his mentors legs at once and they had to stop him and then he still had to hug them and weep over them.)

But, given that it's still only about 130 odd pages and has a haunted East wing, it was readable and fascinating to compare to Otranto. I'm glad the collection had them both.

I also read another Daisy Dalrymple (Dead in the Water), which you could probably tell because fic happened. My friend is coming to see me again this week - I have hopes she might be able to lend me some more, because the only others I've found are quite a few books on from that. (Obviously, I'm looking forward to seeing her with or without books, but with books is always better.)


What I'm Reading Now
Sorcerer to the Crown by Zen Cho, which, as promised by [personal profile] aralias, is very light and enjoyable and just my sort of thing. I seem to be okay with it, too. \o/ (The only downside is the inevitable comparison to Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell, which can do it no favours. It's a shame she didn't set it, say, 20 years later or earlier to mitigate that. Although, of course, I'm only 100 pages in; there are no doubt very good Plot Reasons.)

(I'm still note-taking from A Mad Bad and Dangerous People? and technically sort of reading Desolation Island, but have not progressed far with either since last time.)


What I'm Reading Next
Well, if my friend does bring me some more Daisy, there'll be that. And once I've finished Sorcerer to the Crown, I might try the next Gothic novel in the collection, which is Mistrust by Matthew Gregory Lewis (author of The Monk).

Random Fandom Meme

Oct. 17th, 2017 09:35 pm
lost_spook: (OUaT - belle)
[personal profile] lost_spook
Randomly memed from [livejournal.com profile] dimity_blue:

Choose five series fandoms (no peeking before you choose them), list them, and then answer the questions behind the cut.

1. Once Upon a Time
2. Blake's 7
3. Doctor Who
4. Dracula (1968)*
5. Sapphire & Steel

Cut for questions and answers )


* Yes, I did fail to read the instructions when I made the list. *handwaves*

Orville and Star Trek Discovery

Oct. 17th, 2017 01:41 pm
seekingferret: Word balloon says "So I said to the guy: you never read the book yet you go online and talk about it as if--" (Default)
[personal profile] seekingferret
I'm up to date on The Orville and one episode behind on Star Trek Discovery.

The Orville, from day one, has been pretty clear about what it is as a show, and it's not what we thought it was going to be or what the trailers promised. It's not a space sitcom full of Family Guy style jokes. It's not in the Galaxy Quest vein. It's a pretty straightforward episodic modern take on Star Trek, created with deep respect for Roddenberry's ideals. Its particular lens on the material is a focus on the mundane: What if life in Starfleet was like a typical modern office? Your boss's boss is generally a decent guy but he sometimes says sexist things and he's in the middle of getting over an ugly divorce that sometimes bleeds his personal life into his professional life. Some of your co-workers are so burnt out they couldn't give a shit as long as it doesn't affect them. Your manager is way too inexperienced and seems uncomfortable giving orders. The fart jokes from the trailers, it turns out, weren't pointless sitcom props- they're character beats about how Starfleet means you are living 24/7 among your co-workers, and that means figuring out how to share bathrooms with people who are not like you. It's surprisingly well done.

I've been enjoying it, for the most part, though its basic mundanity sometimes blends awkwardly with its Roddenberry idealism. The Very Special Episode about transgender issues didn't quite fit together for me- the jokiness clashed with the seriousness of the question, making the question sometimes seem more trivial than it is. But I loved some moments from the episode- I loved seeing the human crew initially confronting the question from a position of revulsion- of course we in the Federation don't decide the gender of an infant, we let the infant grow up and make their own choice! It's no more obviously the right position- the Federation still clearly is a culture where cultural programming about gender roles matters. Still, it's so striking in just the right Star Trek way to say "Let's posit a future where a liberal orthodoxy about transgender issues has been completely adopted as a cultural norm... how does that liberal orthodoxy react to people taking a different approach to gender issues?"



Then there's Star Trek Discovery. I have no idea what to say about it yet. I don't understand it as a show. The first two episodes don't feature the ship Discovery that the show is named after, or most of its main characters. They're decent television, and the special effects are spectacular and leave The Orville in the dust, but they don't seem to have much connection to what the show is in its next two episodes.

It seems to be wrestling with what does Starfleet look like at war, except that unlike some past versions of the same, it doesn't entirely seem to be working from the expected premise that Starfleet at war is a fundamentally irresolvable tension. The first two episodes revolve around a mutiny driven by a violation of the apparent principle that Starfleet never shoots first, then the subsequent two episodes seem to revolve around a captain who has been charged by Starfleet to do whatever it takes to win the war. What does this version of Starfleet stand for? I don't know. What does this version of the Klingon empire stand for? Other than speaking endlessly in subtitled Klingon, making ST:D practically a foreign film, I don't know. Thus far, there's been very few scenes in the show not on the Shenzhou, the Discovery, or a Klingon vessel. Almost nothing on alien worlds, very little about alien races besides the Klingons and Vulcans. There is so little of what we expect from Star Trek here.

Amidst this general confusion of purpose, I've enjoyed moments. Sonequa Martin-Green's Michael Burnham, the only character on the show who's been at all fleshed out, is intriguing and well-acted, the brilliant loner so convinced of her own competence that she thinks as long as she survives and gives it her best, she can take everyone else along with her. Jason Isaacs has made the most of his limited work so far, giving off an extremely Shatnerian vibe in spite of the very different material he's being given to deliver. Anthony Rapp has been fun as a hardass engineer, and Mary Wiseman has been really effective as a mood lightener as Cadet Tilly.

I'm going to keep watching both shows- it'll be interesting to see where they go.

(no subject)

Oct. 17th, 2017 12:18 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
I must have done something yesterday, but I can't for the life of me remember anything. Somehow, time is getting away from me.

I posted a story for [community profile] weissvsaiyuki today. I still have four WIP that I would love to complete for the challenge, but I don't know if I'll manage any of them.

Title: One More Folded Sunset
Fandom: Weiss Kreuz
Rating: T
Pairing: Crawford/Schuldig, background Crawford/Manx
Tags: Implied/referenced rape/non-con, Implied/referenced torture, Alternate universe - canon divergence, Alternate universe - dark, Ambiguous/open ending, Amnesia

//Brad, where the fuck are we?// Once he was sure he had a connection to Brad’s mind, he opened his eyes. He felt safer that way.

//Schuldig? I wasn’t— No. That’s not true.// Brad sounded uncertain, fragmented even, in a way that scared Schuldig even more than the odd landscape and his inability to stop walking. //The hill doesn’t look that big, but it will probably take you another half an hour to get here. Things… stretch. Sort of. You’re being watched. She can’t hear when we talk like this, but she’s watching, and she’ll hear if you speak out loud. I’d come to meet you, but… I can’t. I’ll explain when you get here.//

Schuldig knew Brad well enough to know when he was lying. You’re not going to explain anything. Well, we’ve been there before. I’ll get it one way or another. He rubbed his face with one hand. Why don’t I remember anything to explain this?

The story at AO3.

Ficlet: Fatal Error

Oct. 17th, 2017 01:40 pm
lost_spook: (dw - bill)
[personal profile] lost_spook
Title: Fatal Error
Author: [personal profile] lost_spook
Rating: All ages
Word Count: 693
Characters/Pairings: Twelfth Doctor, Clara Oswald
Notes/Warnings: None.
Summary: Letting the strangers go had clearly been a mistake…

For [personal profile] persiflage_1 in the 500 Prompts Meme: 12. Why didn't we detain them? - Twelve & Clara Oswald (DW)

Here @ AO3 | Also @ the Teaspoon

Dream emotions

Oct. 17th, 2017 12:04 am
ysobel: (Default)
[personal profile] ysobel
One of my dreams last night evoked a feeling that I have been trying all day to remember, with very little success.

I don't remember the imagery from the dream -- something about coming home after a war, something about the I-character being a prince -- but it's not the imagery I care about. It's the emotion. I can't remember. It was partly like -- oh, I don't know, like a newly crowned (and mostly still school aged) King Peter coming howm to Narnia after his first battle as king; it had elements of Harry returning to Hogwaets after winning some external tournament for Gryffindor (why Gryff in particular and not Hogwarta as a whole I don't know, and the not that sticks out was people back at the castle waiting, like in a Greek myth, to see which color sails adorn the ship, so someone could run back with news of the winner, which makes no sense in a world with magic, but again the visuals don't matter.

And I can't quite remember the emotion.

I think -- in the way you can sometimes remember the shape of a word without remembering the word itself -- it had the shape of a sort of nostalgia, like coming back as an adult to places you frequented as a kid (and things are so much more small and ordinary when you see them with adult eyes). But also a bit of ... deliberate loss? Of having gone to do the thing knowing you'd be changed by it and knowing that you'd never get innocence back, watching kids be kids and being unable to join in because you know too much. And some element of disconnect, like you've been off fighting a battle in Faerie and return triumphant to find that a hundred years have passed overnight and they're really quite happy that you won but you don't know them because they're the great-grandchildren of your baby brother or whatever, and you can't get the missing years back.

Those are the pieces I can remember, but ... echoes, not the source. It's more than that and *I don't remember*. And the more I try, the less I grasp.

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